soccer lessons

Chris had is first soccer game today. wow, that was an experience and I learned a few things: 1. we know nothing about soccer! 2. I could be one of those annoying, over picky, my child deserves more than yours parents. I promise I really am not that way and certainly never thought I would be like those parents yelling instructions to coach and child from the sidelines! While I actually did none of that I did have a few spoken quietly to my Honey thoughts like where is Chris, why isn't he playing right now, oh he looks upset why aren't you rushing to him, how does she decide who to put in and why was he taken out so soon? I understand that everybody needs a chance to play but number 10 (who was actually the best player on the team from what I saw) got to play the whole game so naturally shouldn't my Chris, #8 (who has never played soccer before) get to play the whole game too? lol, I don't mean it of course but was a little shocked to find those thoughts entering my head. :) 3. the weather man can always be WRONG! wow, it was so cold! if it is that cold again I am going to make Chris wear something long sleeved under his jersey! They made him take his jacket off bc they needed to see his uniform. 4. I enjoy "kicking the ball around" Cayden and I had a good time just kicking it back and forth while Keegan was digging in the sand and making a mess of himself! 5. some parents take this game VERY seriously! 6. somethings are worth getting up at 7 am on a saturday for! :) Everyone had a good time, Chris really seemed to enjoy playing (or trying to, lol), I had some bonding time with Cayden and I think I might actually be excited for next week's game! :)

McDonald's

Hmmm.....so I am typing and the title box is blank, are you proud of me? Haha OCD tonight I have conquered you! :) ok, yes, I know I am strange. Took the babies to McDonald's today for park day. They had a good time. I was thankful that other moms I trust were there bc within minutes of eating, I felt so sick! Hadn't had nuggets or sweet and sour sauce since my surgery. :( I used to know my body, now I feel so lost and like I could be sick anytime, like I can't really take cre of my family. and embarrassed, so embarrassed that others had to watch out for my babies today, thankful, so very thankful they were there but still embarrassed. it has only been 3 months will it get better? I just don't know. After a little while though, I felt better, we ended up staying at McDonald's so the babies could play till Glenn got of work. (typing one-handed is NOT easy! I keep having to correct ,istakes) cool thin is I met another homeschool mom and we talked, they live in hallsvillle too. (decided to stop correctin, more OCD conquering??) wondere if Ksyson is asleep enough to lay down so I can have two hands? brb..........ok, am back but have been told to go to bed and get some sleep, so I will obey! anyways I really shouldn't stay up so late bc I get the munchies about now!

OCD

ok, so the title is first on the page so I think I need to know what I am going to type about and name it before I type bc everything HAS to be done in order! Yes, I am OCD, not officially diagnosed with it but I know I am. So I will sit and sit and sit just staring at the blank spaces trying to decide what I am going to type about so I can have a good title bc whatever the title is that is what HAS to be written about. Tonight I was thinking it would be easier just to name the post after it was typed and I knew what it was about but I have to fill in the title blank before I can type but then I realized NO I don't HAVE to have a title first, it really would be alright if I typed and then went back to the title. I think that will be what I do from now on, starting......tomorrow! Not today bc I decided to type about this and knew the title should be OCD before I started typing so tonight everything was still done in order. Ironic isn't it? lol tomorrow, tomorrow I will see about typing and then naming! :) It is hard sometimes to live with it, I think different than others and I know it! Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed, to start the day bc I am always afraid of forgetting something important, afraid that I will do something out of order or skip something, sometimes I just can't make my brain think right, it's like a scratched CD that gets stuck and you can rewind it but it keeps getting stuck in the same spot and can't go forward. I run the same thoughts over and over and over in my head trying to make sure everything is just right, to make myself feel like it is right but it never feels right bc it keeps getting stuck. Most days I can talk to God about it and move on, I have learned that even when things are forgotten it still is ok, that if something gets missed it gets missed and that is ok but if I am very tired (as I usually am lately) I have trouble moving on, trouble getting anything done. Most of the time I can find some small area of my life to control just so and let other stuff go. So, yes, I am different, yes, I struggle with OCD (just call me Monk!) but I am learning to lean on God, to let Him make things ok, to listen to His words when he says "let it go, move on, go forward, what you are stuck on doesn't matter and you are wasting time, daughter, just live and rest me" This is me, Hollie, OCD mother of five.

another funny

Here's another funny about Keegan, last night (after the babies were in bed!) Glenn and I were watching Everybody Loves Raymond, the episode in the first season where they are at a funeral and Ray tells Robert not to make his funeral noise (a big honking type sound) and just as Robert makes the noise, Keegan comes walking in and crawls up in his daddy's lap and starts making the noise! We just busted out laughing, it was so cute! of course we promptly paused the show and returned him to bed bc that is NOT a kid friendly program. Keegan is so funny and so different from the other kiddos. It is amazing to me how different they are from each other, each one is so unique and just adds so much to our family. Keegan is at the stage where his personality is really coming out. He is also into everything, all the time. If he is quiet then you had better find him! He loves to take naps with his Marmie. It is nice that they live right next door, he goes over for a nap almost everyday. He has been so cute today with Kayson, making him laugh and wanting to hold him. He actually said, "hold". Kayson loves Keegan so much, he was just smiling and laughing at him. oh, and Keegan rolled over, tummy to back. He hasn't had as much tummy time yet as the others, I hope he still learns everything he needs to on time (you know, like, how to crawl. Well, I better go, he is waking up.

our day

wake up, try to go back to sleep, baby wakes up, feed him, he's awake, doze off while trying to keep him entertained without getting out of bed, other kiddos start waking up, tell the 2 olders to start on spelling, get a phone call or 20! :) In other words talk to everyone on the planet! lol check tiny chef while sitting on the phone and also check FB, in between phone calls check spelling work, give a spelling test, yell at boys, change a diaper or two, finally, finally make your way out of bed, make sure teeths are brushed, hairs are brushed and beds are made, try to teach the babies a new game, check email periodically, loan sis little house season 5, get invited to Mama's for lunch, tuna! I love Tuna! hang out there till honey gets home from school around 9 or so, put babies to bed, do nails with daughter, watch everyone loves raymond (2 yr old walks out at the funeral scene where his brother is making this honking noise that he always does at funerals and the two year old climbs in daddy's lap and starts making the Funeral noise! laughing so hard he doesn't get sent back to bed immediately. lol) nurse a hungry baby, Honey goes to bed, 4 year old wakes up crying, he has to go teetee, walk him to the potty, take him back to bed, I think he was half asleep the whole time! now baby is hungry again and I am being ordered to bed oh yea and just realized forgot the daily switching of the laundry.

curriculum share

curriculum is such a funny word, but anyways (lol) in honor of tonight's annual curriculum share at our CHEC meeting, I thought I would share what we use and some thoughts. CHEC is our homeschool group.
ART: I try to have a "class" from time to time and I just sord of do whatever. I am thinking of trying to find someone who could teach Kirsten some things for next year instead of getting her in a sport bc she wants to be an artist!
BIBLE: I love the Bob Jones Bible Truth workbooks and we also use the Visual Bible. I like that the visual Bible quotes the Bible while they act it out. We try to watch a chapter every friday morning.
HISTORY: I really like Christian Liberty Press and Bob Jones. Kirsten will pretty much devour any history book she can get her hands on! :)
LANGUAGE ARTS: We love Learning Language Arts Through Literature. I don't start it till 3rd grade and haven't really decided what to use till then. Used Abeka but wasn't really all that impressed however it is colorful and exciting to look at for active younger boys. :)
MATH: can we just skip this subject and pretend we did it? and can I just say we hated Abeka's math! (for third grade) We have just started using A.C.E. paces and the kiddos really seem excited by them, they seem to explain things very plainly with clear instructions. They are thin books so don't seem as daunting, also they are very colorful. I love the fact that they learn a verse in every pace!
MUSIC: very simple! praise and worship DVDs! :)
P.E.: we alternate between wii fit, walks around the property, jumping on the trampoline and swimming when my parents pool is up and running. We also enjoy CHEC park days. We also want to let the boys do one sport a year. This year Chris is doing soccer and next year Cayden wants to play football!
READING: Kirsten reads ALL the time! like mother like daughter. :) however I still like to have some official reading books that I pick for them. They love the A Beka readers and I like the Rod and Staff or pathways and Bob Jones. I would love a set of the McGuffey readers but haven't been able to afford them yet. :( This subject scares me a little with Cayden, he will be the first I teach to read bc Kirsten and Chris knew how when we pulled them out of school. I may stick with the A Beka phonics program and use some hooked on phonics.
SCIENCE: before 5th grade I use Bob Jones but starting in 5th grade I love the apologia sciences! Kirsten is doing the astronomy this year and I got the notebook that goes with it and she loves to do science! I really think she is learning a lot! I did do purposeful design one year also and loved the layout of it and how much they spoke of God. I would not want to use a secular science program, I am so thankful for good Biblical sciences!
SPELLING: Bob Jones!
WRITING: last year we used a Reason for writing and I love it but this year we are using Bob Jones and I love it too. Chris seems to do better with the Bob Jones, last year he would get bored and take forever to finish one page.
As you might be able to tell my absolute favorite curriculum for most subjects is Bob Jones! :) some of what I use depends on what I find at the used book sales too. So I now need to start my list for next year......

what shall I write about today?

I had a brilliant idea of what to write earlier today and now it's gone. :( I sord of feel like I am in a fog right now, I hope I am not the only person that does that. I just feel kinda down tonight, no reason really, just kinda blah. :-P So, tonight I think I might just share some random thoughts. If someone follows your blog is it polite to in turn follow theirs? If only one person gets a smile or laugh out of mine, is it worth it? I think so! :) Keegan calls Kirsten "Meme" and his pacifier a "mouth". I am so glad he is finally trying to talk. oh and he signed "cup" today without being prompted! we started using some signs when he was refusing to talk. He still will use a sign or a noise to communicate sometimes instead of talking. It is so cute and funny! Like instead of saying "sleep" he will make a snoring noise or instead of saying "blow" he will just blow. I feel sometimes like I have to translate for him! lol It has been very very windy today. Is it ok to just right about whatever in my blog so then you never what I will say next or does it need to have a subject to stick to like always be about the babies or the family or something? see I am so random tonight. We got to church late today and I felt really horrible about it bc I teach the children's class. We just couldn't seem to get out of the house this am but hey we were all clean and in clean clothes and the babies were wearing their new boots! so it was all good right?

laundry day

woke up this am and decided that something HAD to be done about the Derr laundry mountain so after a few hours of sorting, bagging and loading, Kirsten and I set out on a laundry mat adventure. Glenn was left home with the boys to do a hair cut and baths! oh yea and while Kirsten was helping sort and bag, Chris was cleaning the van, he did an excellent job too! before I continue this story and spill all the gory details, let me lay a little round work; laundry was caught up right around Thanksgiving and then I had surgery and couldn't reach into the washer bc I would hit my incision. then came Glenn's surgery and then the flu! only enough laundry was getting done to keep us barely in clean clothes! I also realized yesterday that carseat covers were in desperate need of a good cleaning and figured while I was at it we would strip ALL the beds. might as well do it right, right? so, off we go in a van full of nine big garbage bags full of dirty clothes! took 8 washing machines (2 were the maxi loads that holds about 5 regular loads) also took us around 4 hours and about $45! we were getting so hot and thirsty (no vending machines there!) and in walks my daddy with two waters! Oh I wanted to shout! he also stayed and helped us fold and load. wow, what a big job that was! it still has to be put away but it is clean! I am exhausted! but babies are sleeping in clean beds tonight! I think it it time I joined them.

letting go

wow, so I actually survived today with minimal worrying! and I didn't call Cayden every 5 minutes! Why? I don't know but I let Cayden go to the zoo with Mimi and Celeste. An hour away for my 4 yr old without a parent or grandparent, this was really a stretch for me! and, and guess what I survived and so did he! He had a great time! Came home with excitement about all the animals he saw, a stuffed owl, a touchy feely book and a new rolly bag! The one time I did call him, he got on the phone, said "Mama, I'm having fun! bye!" lol In the end I am glad he got to go, glad he got to spend the day with his friends, grateful that they love him enough to include him. After picking him up from Mimi's house we met Glenn at Cavender's to buy the babies boots! all of them except Kayson. We didn't tell them what we were doing till we got there! They were so excited! Kirsten got pink, Chris got yellow, Cayden got green and Keegan got blue! The lady there was very helpful and overall seemed very patient but she did make one comment that kinda hit me wrong, maybe it was just me? She told a young girl that worked there, "see this is why I only have one, others populate the world for me" I really wonder what she meant by that. I am telling myself just to let it go that it doesn't matter and maybe she didn't mean it the way I took it. I love my babies and wouldn't trade any of them, not for an easier time in a store, not for a cleaner house, not even for more sleep! Each one adds so much to our family! I love them and love being their mommy. Now Keegan, be quiet and go to sleep! :)

I love my life!

I just want to say I love my life! I love being a mother, I love my husband, I love waking up to a cuddly baby, I love hearing "mama, mama", I love little hands on my face, wet kisses, mischievious grins. I even love the urge to laugh when I should be furious! I have hard days and their are screams and tears and spankings but what each child brings into this family far outweighs any negatives! I feel like we enter the ghetto for Chris' soccer practice and even Kirsten said, "we're the only white people here!" (which wasn't entirely true but almost!) but they don't seem to care and those parents watch their children and even one of the hispanic dads got to Keegan first when he got smacked in the face by the metal bar of the merry go round thingy. (yes he was ok but he cried and had a red mark on his cheek! and I was running to him but that dad was closer). Chris however hasn't even seemed to notice the lack of white people there. :) ok, I know how this must sound and I promise I am NOT prejudiced! I really love all people! I promise! however I am learning (maybe that's why God wants Chris on this soccer team?) that I really find it easier to "love" people on my comfort zone, when they are in the "right" neighborhood, when I am not worried about guns! But we are called to love ALL! and I feel accepted, I see a sense of family and watch that they love their children and they watch out for all the children. They talk to mine too and hold the baby and make sure Keegan is ok and push Cayden on the swing and kick a ball around with him, even Kirsten met some girls to play with. Yes, the neighborhood still scares me but I am reminded that normal families live here, people just like us, families! Lord, help me to push aside my fear and just LOVE, please keep us safe and help me to rest in your protection and our family to learn what we need in this season. In Jesus Name, AMEN.

some funnies, well at least one! :D

ok, so yesterday was so horrible I even forgot to tell Glenn this one, ok ,so yesterday am I go to swat Keegan (for what I can't remember) and he is wet! So, I ask Chris to get a clean diaper and clean clothes on him well when Chris took his pants off, there was NO diaper! So I asked Kirsten, "are you sure you put one on him after his bath last night?" and she assured me she did. I walk into the boys room and there it is DRY on the floor by his bed! He must have taken his pants off, then the diaper and then put his pants back on! His bed was DRY too. Oh my what shall I do with these boys?! lol wonder if we will be potty training soon? He is showing some signs of readiness but Mama is NOT ready, not after the time I had with Cayden! I should be in bed but instead I just watched the first five episodes of "Everybody Loves Raymond" that show is hilarious! We borrowed season one from my sis. I am turning the TV off now so I can finish this and et in bed bc although I love to sit by myself in a quiet house, I am about to fall asleep at the keyboard! and I know eventually Kayson will wake up hungry and I will wish I had gotten in bed sooner. All day I think oh I should write about that, but when I actually sit down to write, I can't think of a thing to say! I thought about making notes throughout the day? ok, I am rambling now, bedtime!

I didn't get shot! maybe it was a good day!

I do think things look better in a fresh new morning! I didn't get the blog typed last night bc I was sent to bed with a headache so I find myself this am typing one handed as I wait for babies to wake up so we can get this fresh new day started. Yesterday really was just horrible but as I write I will try to find thins in which to be thankful for. I guess I just wasn't feelin 100% yesterday, didn't want to get out of bed but finally did. Guess I should be thankful I have a bed to get out of! Then there was the math fight with my daughter, I don't know which number goes first, the big one or the small one, she was doing subtraction! she is in fifth grade! Hello, we have done this before! She had just done a whole pae of three digit subtraction, she knows this! but this was a word problem and she HATES word problems! When she came to me she had done 306-74=82 and 74-306=368, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? I still have no clue except for the idea that she was just looking for an excuse to cry and get out some frustration and believe me cry she did! and yell, yes I did! Hello, monster mommy, once again you were invited and showed your ugly face and I hope you don't come back ever again! even if a child invites you over feel free to decline! I suppose the thankfulness comes when I am met at the door (took Keegan to my mom's for a nap) by a very repentful, sorrowful daughter asking for forgiveness, I (AAAHHHHH......had this all finished and all typed out, hit publish and it all disappeared! only this first part was left, so here I go again but it will have to be fast bc now my babies are all awake and we need to get this fresh new day started!) So Kirsten and I made up and hugged and cried and she turned in a mistake free math paper! Then when I went to take Chris to his very first ever soccer practice we ended up driving around south longview (the BAD part of town, bars on windows, run down, dirty houses, scary looking people on the corners!) for 45 minutes trying to find the right park, finally find this little park (no sign with a name) where a bunch of kids are playing soccer, yea we are in the right place and only an HOUR late! he got to practice for about 20 min while I sat and nursed Kayson but hey he was happy! and then Kayson screamed the whole way home, I think he was tired of being in his seat! but in all of this I am thankful that Chris still had a good time, that Mama had dinner ready for us when we got home, that she held Kayson and gave him some juice so I could eat, that Honey sent me straight to bed when he got home and most importantly that while we were driving in south longview I DID NOT GET SHOT!

Happy Valentine's Day!

My 2 oldest made me breakfast in bed; cinnamon toast with paper flowers and a glass of milk! They are so sweet! Went to a Valentine Party and ate lots of chocolate! I took a lasagna to a family that is grieving their son. I have made meals for babies and surgeries and even one for a miscarraige but this was the first time someone had died (how I hate that word). I cried halfway to pick up my babies. I just pray that the Lord would send them angels in this time of need. my heart breaks. Came home to roses and chocolates on the table! my fav brand of chocolates! I love fresh flowers, maybe someday I can actually have a flower garden and fresh flowers on a routine basis for free! learning how to grow food is a first priority though! was thinking oh good stay home tomorrow and then a call from Chris' soccer coach, practices start tomorrow at 5pm! he is excited but I must say I am nervous, he is still very small for an 8 yr old, he is actually about the sz of a 6 yr old so 1) I hope he doesn't get creamed (I have been assured that doesn't happen in soccer?) and 2) that he doesn't let it bother him that he is smaller. I pray whether in soccer or something else that he would find what he is good at and do it well in spite of his size! I hate to see him just give up. We had lasagna for dinner (Honey's gift). He loves it and I have never made one for him so this yr I did. He said it was good! then 2 babies got baths and then bedtime for all! ups and downs but really all in all it WAS a good day. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Give away a hug.

church day

Glenn woke me up this am to get ready for church, next thing I know he is waking me up again and we need to leave in 30 minutes! I had fallen back asleep! We weren't there early like we try to be but we did get there before it started! I am teaching the childrens about Joseph so we started watching Joseph King of Dreams this am, we will finish it next week. We also had a good message on love. The babies were kinda full of it today! Keegan was being so silly and Kayson was just laughing. Then we had lunch at CiCis after that I had 7 kiddos at my sis's house while they went to clean the house they are trying to rent out. Anyone looking for a place to rent in Marshall? I know a good one! :) ok, advertisement over. lol they were all really good, no problems. they did start to get tired around 430 or so and Elizabeth was crying and I asked her what she was crying for and she sniffles and says, "I don't remember" I wanted to laugh so hard! I was like well quit crying then and she looked like OH, I can! spent a whole afternoon watching word world, veggietales, caillou and backyardigans with the little boys! (insert music note here) I'm just a kid who's four, each day I grow some more, I love exploring, I'm Caillou, growing up is not so tough, cept when I've had enough, just forgot the last part, I'm Caillou (insert music note here). Then came home and made 2 lasagnas, one to take to a family and one for my honey as a valentine gift. He loves lasagna and I have never made him one (actually these are the very first I have ever made!) I sure hope they are good, we shall know tomorrow!

Valentine banquet

Our church had a valentine banquet tonight. It was lots of fun, good food, good fellowship and lots of laughter! I haven't laughed that hard in a lllllooooonnnnnnggggg time! :) Everything was decorated so pretty and we even had sitters to watch all the kiddos! Kayson enjoyed some of my mama's dressing and mashed potatos. He loves to eat. Everyone shared some about themselves and their marraiges, how they met, proposed, first dates, stuff like that. Them my sis had the women write 2 things they wanted to get rid of and why and then read them out loud to everybody but replaced the things with the husband's name! So she said I wanted to get rid of Glenn bc I just didn't like him and he didn't fit. I was really talking about some DVDs and some clothes! It was really funny, some of the answers were pretty outrageous! (too old and small, in closet two yrs and never used, always breaking, decluttering) I don't know where she finds these games! Also learned that one couple has been married 30 something yrs and married when she was 15 and he was 19! they grew up practically neighbors. Learned too that my inlaws first date was to a valentine banquet! pretty cool. I took 3 lbs of quartered strawberries with cool whip to dip them in for dessert and came home with no strawberries! :) I think they were a hit. so HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY and remember to tell those special people around you how much you love them!

One Crazy Day....

got up this am, thinking about those baths we didn't get last night and decided we could NOT leave this house without first getting clean! So we were late to the 930 playdate BUT we were ALL clean! :) It was a preschool playdate so I had Kirsten and Chris take their language arts (it was neat to have the ipad for them to look stuff up on!) Then we headed to park day at McDonalds bc it was too chilly to go to a park and I thought we would get there a tad early and just eat lunch there. I can feed us all for under $12 if we don't get nuggets, nuggets are crazy expensive. Cayden (my ranch baby) of course wanted ranch and Kirsten wanted sweet and sour (she eats her french fries with it) so I sent her to the front to get some. She comes back with ranch but no sweet and sour (I think she wanted to cry) and says we have to pay for it bc we didn't get nuggets. WHAT?? I go up to the front and say, "I need some sweet and sour" the lady hands me 2 and says usually you're supposed to pay for it if you don't get nuggets to which I respond "I never have before!" I was NOT happy! I told Glenn next time I go in there before I order I am going to ask if we will be able to get sweet and sour with our fries and if they say no or you have to pay for it then I will turn around and walk out and take my babies and my $ to chick fil a! they give as much sauce as you want! they even ask if you need any and say "my pleasure" (which I love to hear!) :) no one came to park but the babies still enjoyed playing and I got to mess with the ipad some (free wifi). Then we left there and went to budget optical bc Cayden's new glasses needed some slight adjustment. I was wearing Kayson and holding Cayden's hand while Kirsten had Keegan on his monkey leash. I love the lady there, she is so sweet and thorough and very patient! Then it was on to wal-mart to get Kirsten some (ssshhhh....) deoderant! wow she is growing up so fast, I could just cry! finally we were on our way home where we spent a fairly guiet evening enjoying one another. Glenn and the babies were watching interactive books on the ipad. Glenn hadn't heard of the grover book "the monster at the end of this book" I thought everyone had! he laughed so hard! so many memories! loved that book as a child and remember reading it to Bridgit. I really enjoy being a big sis! Now peace and quiet, bedtime! PTL! :)

thankful

as I sit here tonight going over the day and just in general feeling kinda blah, I start thinking of all the urgent prayer requests that I know of and am praying for and once again I am stricken with how grateful I should be. We truly are extremely blessed. Even in the midst of teething I can be thankful for that child, thankful that they are home and not sick or in the hospital, thankful for the older child that can hold the fussy baby to give me a break. Even in the midst of OH NO I forgot baths, I can appreciate the fact that we have a bathtub and runnning water and a water heater! and that we can rush through getting clean in the morning. Even though Honey isn't home quite as much bc of school I can be thankful that when he is home he helps! Thankful that he will change diapers, give baths, feed bottles, kiss booboos, do the dishes, take out the trash, start the vaporizer and whatever else needs doing. Even though Cayden needs glasses and a patch, I can be thankful that he can see, thankful that his eye is getting corrected WITHOUT surgery! I can be thankful that although we are behind in school we can catchup at our own pace, we can choose to do 2 months of history reading in one morn, Kirsten got 2 months of handwriting done today, she was so excited to be all caught up in that subject. and although I sit here absolutely exhausted I am thankful for the peace and quiet to type in. :)

It is You, Father...

so since I am having very unchristianlike thoughts towards the stupid fed ex people that can't seem to do their job right and want to lie to us and I don't think that should really take over tonight's blog I leave you with another poem I wrote. enjoy...

It is You, Father...
by Hollie Derr

Inside of me.
I want others to see.
Whose power I feel.
Who makes my life real.
Who I see everyday.
To whom I pray.
Of whom I speak.
Whose peace I seek.
Who lifts me high,
To soar the sky.
Whom I see in strife.
Who holds together my life.
On whom I depend
and all my love send.
It is You, Father...
Who is awesome forever.

Yes, Father I even want the fed ex peoples to see you in me! Now, to make these angry thoughts go away, Lord, It's not about the pkg, what makes me so mad is the lies and uncaring attitudes but Lord I know that you still love them and I need you to help me to love them too, even in my thoughts. Amen

in memory of the one I never got to hold

three years ago I had an experience that is forever etched in my memory and every February I have a period of mourning and remembrance. Yesterday I just felt depressed and didn't want to get out of bed and this morning I remembered why. It is Feb 2008 and we are so excited, #4 is on it's way and we are going in for the first sonogram! We have the first three with us. Having been through 3 pregnancies already, I know almost immediately that something isn't right and when they call my doc and immediately send me over to his office I just know my worst fears are going to be confirmed. I was supposed to be 14 weeks, they found an 8 week sak and no heartbeat. We were devasted. The babies were crying, I had to call Mama at work, I don't even remember the drive home or much about that night. He/she (I strongly believe it was a she, I think I saw her) would be 2 1/2 now. I used to think of *her* hourly, then daily, now almost weekly. I still feel this hole in my heart and I wonder if it will ever go away and at the same time am scared it one day might. I do thank God everyday though for our precious Keegan who would not be if this one was. I thank God that those decisions are in His hands bc I could not imagine having to choose bt children. You know it has felt good to write this, I have felt pretty down the last two days, just wanted to stay in bed, but I now feel ready to face tomorrow. Precious baby, that we named Zephyr bc you were like a brief wind that blew in and out again, we love you and miss you and pray that the angels in Heaven are holding you tight tonight.

Life is an Ocean

by Hollie Derr
5/14/97

I need some help
is someone there
O Lord my God
will you answer here
this life is an ocean
full of rainbow fish
and large killer whales
you could be the next dish
oh I see a boat
but wait
where's the lifesaver
lost like fishbait
I'm drowning
will I ever learn to swim
I can't breathe
everything goes dim
life please don't leave
this can't be death
Jesus I see you
don't let me take my last breath
can I walk with you
on top of the water
I'll keep the faith
not be a doubter like Peter
Lord thanx for your hand
your everlasting arm
and peace beyond reality
thanx for your sonshine charm

A typical Sunday at the Derrs? NOT today!!

Can I just start by saying I AM EXHAUSTED! started this am not feeling 100%, weird thing was I know I slept but I woke up feeling like I didn't get any sleep but had to pull myself out of bed bc we had a FULL day ahead of us that did not include our usual sunday nap! So here's a rundown of our day. before we left for church I had made ranch dip for tonight's game, spaghetti for our first sunday potluck lunch, nursed our youngest, picked out clothes for the little boys, gathered everything I needed for teaching the children's sunday school class, and painted finger and toe nails with our oldest! somehow we still managed to get to church right on time! I am teaching a western unit based on the two VeggieTales westerns about Joseph and Moses and started it today. I really love teaching little ones about the Bible. We had a good message by Jay, my sister's father-in-law. Then we enjoyed a potluck fellowship lunch but I was disappointed in my spaghetti, it seemed a tad dry. :( Then I reorganized our class materials while Honey took the babies across the street to his parent's house for the afternoon. After that I walked over to my Sis' house, the parsonage, and helped her finish cooking foods for the game. Is this where I insert I HATE FOOTBALL! but I love spending time with family. :) Glenn walked over with Keegan and Kayson for the game but Chris and Cayden wanted to stay with his parents. Kirsten was already there playing with my beautiful niece, Elizabeth. We had a good night even though it ended in mourning bc their team lost. Now we are home, babies are in bed and I really think that is where I need to be as I am having trouble forming complete thoughts that make sense!

3rd Annual Sam's Trip

Sitting here watching my family bring in all our loot. The 2 yr old is helping carry what he can and drumming on the things he can't! the 4 yr old says' "mama, I did hard work!" to which the 2 yr old echos, "hard, hard" Kirsten chose to let me hold Kayson so she could help carry which means I am typing this one-handed. We do this trip once a year with part of our income tax return. It really helps throughout the year not to have to worry about where we will find the money for things like toilet paper and laundry soap. As for storing it all, we get very creative finding places for it all; closet in the bathroom, stacked in the laundry room, on top of the fridge and under sinks! every year we have been a little more organized about what we buy, even making a list of what and how much of everything we bought last yr, taking inventory before we went this yr (seeing what we bought too much of or not enough of) and taking a revised list of what and how much we wanted to get this yr. A small fortune and almost 3 hrs later here is what we came home with (give or take a few items): toothpaste, 2 large jars chocolate milk powder, syrup, ketchup (maybe this yr we will remember it is in the pantry!), spam, 2 jars ranch mix powder, 2 lrg jars parmesean cheese, lemon pepper, cinnamon, 40 lbs sugar, dishwasher soap, trash bags, 4 boxes contact solution, swiffer pads, grape jelly, dawn, 6 jugs of tide, foil, shower gel, jet dry, formula, envelopes, gummy flintstones vitamens (I use these too), shampoo, socks, 6 boxes wipes, ziploc bags (gallon and sandwich), papertowels, diapers, 6 packages toilet paper (36 rolls in each), mac & cheese, 4 jugs downy, 4 boxes instant breakfast, 3 pkg clorox wipes, lemonade, advil, tylenol, clorox wand refills (had to go to walmart and buy the wand), and batteries. 131 items in all! You should have seen us, I was pushing a buggy and Glenn was wearing Kayson (with the Moby) while pushing one of those big flat things, both full! so glad that is done for another yr! :)

SNOW DAY!

Woke up early this am to SNOW and it was sticking! Strange for Texas but it hasn't been above freezing for most of the week! Went back to sleep bc that was like 4 am. Next time I wake up to Honey dressed, ready for work, about to walk out the door, on the phone with a coworker, "Courthouse is closed today so our office is also!" Yea, he gets a SNOW DAY! Babies start waking up, so excited, "look, snow! Daddy why are you still here?" school subject of the day = social studies but Honey wants to watch Spirit, so we decide to talk about how animals and people are treated and what is right and what is wrong and which characters we should act like! Voila, the movie Spirit turned into a social studies lesson! meanwhile it is still snowing outside, I am starting a fire (without a starter log bc I am cool that way!)(ok, maybe I am a little pyro ummm....alot pyro?? I love fire!), and Honey wants pancakes! Then movie over, lesson done, outside time! only for the older 3! Honey takes a nap! back inside, lunch and then my turn to nap with the 2 yr old! up again, dinner and bubble bath time! "look, mommy, I am blowing snow on Keegan!" (it was bubbles) :) well must end this, Kayson woke up hungry! I love SNOW DAYS! Keegan is still awake though but playing quietly in his room. we shall see what tomorrow holds.

Rr Day

Had friends over today for Rr day. They brought Cayden some ranch, we had raviolis for lunch, they made sock hand puppet roosters, wrote Rs. The older ones had reading class. It is so much fun to have our friends visit us. It's one of the few times I can really get the olders motivated to clean as fast as they can! other times a 15 - 20 min job might take over an hour! I have tried several solutions and just can't seem to find that one *magic* trick that works for us so I think I have finally decided that it is what it is and we just have to deal with it! Maybe one day they will realize it is really their time that they are wasting and start working faster! Kirsten does work faster than Chris though, guess it's a boy/girl difference! Sometimes I give her the option of doing a chore or entertaining Kayson so I can bc although there is alot that I can do one-handed there are just some things that do not yield to one-handedness. I think I finally hear complete quiet in the house which means everyone has decided sleep is a friend so I think that means it is my turn. :)

day 2 of this new blogging venture

Life is so crazy with 5 precious kiddos but I can't imagine it any other way! It's still below freezing in Texas, I think this has been the strangest winter, possibly the coldest I can remember. I started #1 and #2 on math paces today (A.C.E.). so far so good. I like how their directions are so straight forward. Kirsten did want to know who her "supervisor" was! :) Kayson had yogurt for breakfast today and really seemed to enjoy it! He watches us eat now and laughs when the spoon touches his lips! too cute! Cayden has a crossed eye and has to wear bifocals and a patch so I make sure he has them on this am and a little while later he comes out and wants to know if he can take his patch off so I check the time and then look at him and the patch is on the wrong eye!! he had switched it! oh, my Cayden, my precious little Cayden, sometimes how I worry about him! we have a doc appt on the 17th to check his size. too cold to go out for P.E. so we did P.E. on the wii fit today. the 2 yr old weighs more than the 4 yr old! and Cayden has lost some weight. I think mainly bc he had the flu about a week and a half ago and didn't eat real well. Also just realized today that I haven't been giving him ranch with every meal and he has just stopped eating. We will be correcting the ranch situation tomorrow! he has to eat! well, I think the house is finally asleep and it is my turn! more later.

trying my hand at this thing called blogging

Hello, out there. I don't know how interested anyone is in what I have to say but I have always sord of thought writing would be fun and have loved to journal so here goes. Two sentences and everything I was thinking of saying has flown out of mind, not a good start to this, is it? So I guess I should tell you who we are, we are a family of 7, a mom, a dad and 5 babies! Kirsten is 10 and such a wonderful Mama's helper. Chris is 8 and the clown of the house. Cayden is 4 and our serious thinker. Keegan is 2 and lives up to his name (it means fiery, passionate)! Kayson is 4 months old and such a sweetie pie, happy baby! 1 girl and 4 boys make for extremely interesting days around here. Glenn (the daddy) is a Juvenile Probation Officer and has just started back to school to get his master's. I, Hollie, (the mommy) am a cook, housecleaner (debatably), teacher (yes, we homeschool!), nurse, referee, disciplinarian, counselor, chauffer, cow (lol), and everything else that comes with stay home motherhood. I think that must be us in a nutshell. So, if you want to follow us through this journey, I will try to post daily. no promises though, life happens. :) I think I will end this now on a rare COLD (18) night in Texas. sleep well.