A crazy week

So I am going to try to write something, this has been a crazy week and my brain is not in a super great place right now.  Dealing with the boy's attitudes and the baby screaming bc I took the iPad away bc its not time for kids tube right no, I feel so mentally exhausted all the time.  Monday I spoke some blog notes into my phone while driving, some of them are super confusing, LOL.  I feel like such a failure as a mother, the kids get so angry sometimes and say such mean and rude things to each other.  I have to fight just to get them to get some basic chores done, the house stays a mess, even when I try to have a place for everything.  Sorry, off track, told you my brain was in a bad place tonight.  Anyways, sometimes it takes me forever to write a blog again bc I think of things to write while I'm driving but they all leave my head before I get a chance to sit down and type them up.  So I realized I could speak my thoughts into my phone with Siri.  However I only have notes for about halfway through mon and the rest of the week will have to be from memory, lol.  Also there's no punctuation in the notes I have so that's interesting too.  I can't believe my baby is almost three!  Another side track, she just walked in here and looked so big and it made me think of that.  Monday am when I took Kalani to dance, she refused to wear her bow and instead insisted on cat ears she had found saturday while we were out at the Hwy 80 garage sales.  Before dance was two parent/teacher conferences, one in person, one by phone.  I missed getting a conference for cayden with one of his teachers bc I didn't read and respond to the email soon enough, sigh.  Anyways, Keegans teacher was over the phone, she said he is doing excellent and they all wish they had like 20 more of him.  That was so great to hear!  Kayson is doing excellent as well, making straight As which is absolutely amazing considering where he was just a year ago!  Then I met Chris at the bank and he opened his own checking account.  My babies are growing!  Then we went for lunch, he chose panda express.  When we got there and were walking in, Kalani spotted the panda and said, "Awww, cute care bear!" lol!  Then We did some grocery shopping.  Tuesday my precious oldest turned 19!  Glenn and I went on a date night that evening, we ended up stopping in at Sams to renew our membership and walked around a bit which led to us finding an arcade table that looks like the vintage pac mans, so we sat and played a game of pac man!  Anyone want to get us an arcade table, its only $500!  LOL  Wednesday was eye appts for Chris and I and those went great!  Chris's eyes are the same and mine actually got a bit better.  Then some Arbys for lunch and another appt and church that evening.  Thurs was a drive into the dentist for all the kids (not miss 19, I'm an adult now, LOL) and that went great too!  No cavities!  Then I took them to fresh for lunch and let them play on the playground there.  We ate outside, it was a beautiful day.  That evening we had french toast for Kirsten's bday dinner and gave her her presents.  Then today kalani and I stayed home and had a lazy day!  That was nice.

hello, its been awhile, I'm sorry

I haven't sat down to type a blog in forever!  My brain feels so jumbled, I don't know what to say here, I'm not sure what I should say here.  Some days are still so hard, and like I know if I try to write something it will just be not great bc my brain is not in a great place.  Or I think about blog topics and think it all out in my head while driving and forget later!  I'm not sure this day or this moment is a better clarity moment but its been so long since I typed anything so here I am, eating pizza for lunch, sitting my room all by myself, not watching Chopped bc we had to get rid of DirectTV, listening to the TV sounds coming from the front room, even with my door closed, feeling completely and utterly alone and forgotten.  So, How's the Zoo these days?  Let me see what my fingers decide to tell you.  Kalani is in dance and loves it, she dances everywhere, the gym, the grocery store, church, our yard, XC meets, everywhere, lol.  She doesn't even always need music.  She still isn't potty trained, its hard bc we never seem to be home consistently enough to work on it well and if there is a day full day we stay home, I'm so tired and mentally exhausted, potty training just isn't happening.  Kayson is loving second grade and doing so great!  He is making 100s on his work and is doing so much different than last year, he's got up to grade level!  its amazing the growth he has had.  He did have two ER visits this summer, everything checked out so that's good but every time he gets a headache and starts throwing up he has to be seen.  It makes me scared for him to get sick at all but I know he can't live in a bubble but oh how I want to put him in one.  Keegan is loving 5th grade and has friends.  He has his own room now bc we were told he needed his own space, that put Cayden back sharing a room with Kayson though.  Keegan also has started counseling and loves having someone to talk to just for him.    He also has been discharged fro his Occupational Therapy.  Sometimes though the words he says are so mean, I don't know why he thinks it's ok.  Cayden is a teen now!  Half of my children are teens!  He has a phone and started running XC, he also wants to kiss me goodbye before the bus reaches our drive in the ams.  A story about him, we were at a local church the other night and saw someone we knew and Kalani and Kayson started up the staircase that was right there!  Neither Glenn nor I were close enough to get there quickly and Kalani started to trip backwards, I was so scared!  Next thing I know Cayden gets there and catches her head right before it hits a step!  I was so proud of him and thankful for his attention and quick thinking!  Chris is my senior this year!  He's in the top 10% of his class, still running XC on varsity, joined the debate team, looking for a job!  Both older teens got their licenses this summer and they both have cars.  Kirsten Started college and got a job.  I'm so proud of my babies!  jhkjvjhwekjfdjruhvksdrhvkwjsnfkejrgelisuhr (oops my fingers went crazy for a second!  Can fingers have a nervous breakdown? lol) We could still use prayers, Silver (fam vehicle) has some maintenance issues, our main fridge is out, the stress is so high and I struggle still with anxiety on a daily basis.  I guess I better go for now, bus is about to be here with three of my boys!  I meet them so they don't have to walk up in the heat.