Friday, March 2, 2018

Kayson Strong as an Eagle Day 37-40

Sunday 2-25-18
He finally got his lego sets from the tooth fairy for the tooth that dental pulled in ICU.  He liked that! :) He got a flu shot too.  He did not like that!
Monday 2-26-18
more vaccines!  he was somewhat behind and we had already been talking to his pedi about catching up so they said they could do some here.  He colored a batman picture for OT with his left hand!  so cool.  He also took a nap and didn't eat the best, I think maybe he wasn't feeling 100% from the flu shot.  Glenn decided he needed out (lol) so he ran to some gun stores.  Kayson and I went out to the playground, I hadn't taken him out by myself yet.  Then we looked at pics from the aquarium, he liked seeing the fish.
Tuesday 2-27-18
We played guess who 3 times!  He loves that game!  Marmie came to stay the night with him so Glenn and I got a date night.  We went to Simply Fondue for dinner.  We love that place!
Wednesday 2-28-18
Honey and I slept in a little and went to IHOP and stopped by Sams, then he dropped me at a big Half Price Books and ran across the street to a REI.  It was so nice to get out for a bit.  Then when we got back I had a headache so I laid down for a rest before Glenn left for the night and to go to a college basketball game.  It dawned on me while I was dozing in and out that Kayson won't be eligible for military service, he wouldn't be able to get the doctor clearance now.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  A bit relieved as a mother but a bit saddened too bc it is such a big part of his family history.  Because now he does have limits, you know, we tell our children you can be anything you want to be and now I can't say that to him.  It's a different feeling.  Not that he has ever shown interest in military service so it may not even be a big deal to him and I'm certainly not going to make it a big deal, he currently wants to be a scientist, he has said that for about 2 years now!  Currently I have one that wants to be a PTSD counselor, one that is considering the Navy, one talking about being a lawyer  (bc his mother, whoever she is, said he would make a good one!), he says, "Mama, when I become a lawyer and make lots of money..............." :) another one is considering being a police officer like his daddy and the one wants to be a scientist, the youngest can't talk yet!  lol That evening his daddy went to an SMU basketball game and got to shake President Bush's hand!  Kayson watched the Emoji Movie twice!  *eye roll* lol Then he laid down on his own and went to sleep without me having to lay in bed beside him.  As I was laying down trying to sleep I was thinking of home.  We are so ready to get home but at the same time I'm a bit scared too.  I feel like there are so many uncertainties and so many ways life will be so different.  I know somethings will work themselves out on their own but its still hard.  How will we just do life now, how will school go, do my boys need more than I can give?  What will other people say whatever decisions we make in this area? (I know these are our children, we will not base our decisions on others but on what we feel is best for each child and how we feel God leading us but others words can be harsh and can still hurt) Will he be able to play baseball again (the docs say most likely!)?  How will I be able to let him play again without freaking out?  Will we still be able to have date nights?  How will I be able to leave him with his teen siblings and not worry (they are fully capable, it's not the teens)?  Will I ever make it to yarn group again? Will we get our Annual Sams trip done to get the things we need for the year?  What will his therapies look like?  Will they be in longview or at home?  Do we need to sell or give away our trampoline bc how can I ever feel safe with him on it again?  Is that fair to the others?  Will he be out of pull-ups or still in them?  How do you re potty train a seven yr old?  I'm sure we will just have to take chances and he will just have to have some accidents, do we start that before we leave?  How will I ever be able to let him just play at Park day again?  How do I not worry about every little thing?  Every little stumble?  And this neck brace, and the possible surgery and how do I pray?  Do I pray he needs the surgery?  Do I pray he doesn't and then how do I trust he really will be ok?  I will pray for God's will and direction for the doctors and His grace for the future whatever it holds and for Kayson's protection whatever it looks like.  The doubts are hard, I know they can't consume me but they come up sometimes.  So I will leave them here for now and watch my son play on this playground on this super pretty day after so much rain!  (I am writing a few days later so.........)

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