Friday, January 19, 2018
Glass Bottle part 5
Stress. The stress of worrying for my mom and taking care of my brothers weighed down on me daily. As the years went on, even though mom was getting out of bed after a few months and our family life was stabilizing, we still did not have a church. Meanwhile my dad started the process of switching careers. Without a place to safely learn about God and how to handle my pain, I became increasingly distrustful of everyone. I couldn't open up easily to anyone, I guarded myself so strongly it seemed like no one could break through. I became afraid of people, and in some ways, I still am. My trust in God deteriorated greatly. I couldn't understand why this happened, why would "Christians" do this to us? How could this ever play a part in my future? What good could come from this pain? In my early teen years I witnessed my other grandparents go through a divorce, and my aunt leave her abusive, now ex-, husband who just happened to be a cult leader. It felt like I could never get a moment's peace. One thing right after another, continuing on and on, like a cycle circling around me bringing more and more pain whenever it could. I felt like when things finally started looking up, the world decided to strike us down again.