Raw

written 6-10-18 thru 8-1-18

Oh how I hurt.
the things people have said
they bounce around in my head
what if they are right?
that I'm hateful,
     that I'm nothing,
     that I shouldn't have my family.........
          and more...........
that I'm the toxic one,
     the one they can't be around,
     the one that never tries,
           and more..........
Who will love me?
Who will help me believe in love again?
     that I can be loved,
     that I'm not so horrible that I deserve to be hated?
What if those closest to me actually believe all that's been said?
Is there healing?
     Is it possible?
Where is kindness?
I've tried so hard to run towards hope,
     towards light
     and love
     and peace
broken remains
unfixable?
     perhaps
can it really be ok again?
I want the mean words to go away
I just want to feel ok again.
I want to believe
     to be loved
           really and truly, deeply loved