Here I sit

 I find myself sitting in the computer lab at school, my school, after just finishing a final exam. I am waiting on child 1 to finish up work because we rode in together today. My college kids have come home for the holidays! This makes me so happy! I know they aren't far and I am so thankful to have them close enough to see them throughout the semester but there is still something about having them on the property again. The holidays are coming! I love Christmas and I'm so trying to hang onto that in the midst of all our hard. I have one more paper for my theology class and two weeks left of my online class after this week and then I will have my first semester back completed. I've questioned myself so many times. I forgot how much I love learning, books, words. It's like I have forgotten myself. I've learned to push me aside because I came to believe that I meant nothing, had no worth, everyone else mattered more. However, I have thoughts, my own thoughts, dreams, dreams still worth pursuing, likes, dislikes, opinions, its ok to have opinions even if they differ from others! I want to definitively say here that I have value but I still have trouble believing that. I've been labeled unloveable, hateful, controlling, paranoid, among other things. Those words float around in my head and make it hard to see myself in a positive light. No! I am more! I have to find belief that I have worth. This is a long road. A hard road. A road of ups and downs, potholes, bumps, fast lanes, brakes. So here I sit, reflecting, allowing myself a moment of excitement as I look to the end of my first semester back and look forward to a new semester of classes and learning and more books after the holiday that has always meant so much to me.

long time ~ no post

 Wow, it has been such a long time since I have posted a blog. There's a lot happening in our lives but not so much that I can really put in writing now. As the holidays approach, my first semester back in school is coming to a close. This is definitely not where I saw my life headed at this time but here I am. My theology class has been so enlightening and I have learned so much. I never imagined I would be attending university along side my two oldest. Life really has a way of throwing curveballs. It is however really neat to share this experience with my kids. The university is so beautiful and peaceful. I love watching my children grow and mature into adulthood. Other things that have happened this fall, Kalani diagnosed with anxiety, Kayson diagnosed with asthma and vitiligo, Cayden started high school, ran cross country and got most improved JV runner, Keegan has outgrown youth sizes and is wearing men's clothes at almost 13! He has also decided to grow his hair out and he has gorgeous curls! Kalani also got to move up to the kindergarten class at dance. She loves to dance so much! Hopefully I can start writing more but there's lots of busy and change.