Lord, help!

how do you leave
how do you make a clean break
how do you forget your past
how do you just get over it
its right there
all the time
they are there
calls
visits
chance sightings
your anger
your hurt
it stays
it all comes back
the words
their words
harsh
hate
judgement
did I say hate?
directed at you
so broken
so torn
so confused
I don't want to see you
I don't want to talk to you
actually
I take it back
I want to yell at you
lash out at you
make you hear reason
make you hear truth
it doesn't happen
it won't
so what do I do?
what happens to me now
what about these feelings
Oh, Lord,
Oh, Lord,
do you understand
do you hate me too
I don't know why anyone would love me?
I feel so worthless
I want
I
want
to believe
to hope
to dream again
to know
to know that you are there
that you still fight for me
that you do have a plan
that it will all be ok,
eventually
but
I'm so scared
so very
very
scared
Lord, help!

by Hollie Derr
1/3/12