You Are God You Are Lord

God You are Lord
You made me.
You made the earth.
You saved me
And lifted me up
When I was weak and failing.
I was falling
And You raised me.
When I tripped
You caught me.

You are God you are Lord.
I called unto you
And you heard me
I cried out
And you answered me

You are God you are Lord.
You died for me when I was lost.
But I am now found.
I am now strong and prosperous.
And I'm rising up instead of falling.
Thanks to that day I found you.

God you are God you are Lord.
Praise your magnificent and powerful nam.
I love the way it comes out of my mouth
And the way it sounds on my lips.
You are God you are Lord.

By: Kirsten Derr

My Monday!

So I realized this weekend that we are supposed to start our new school year on Aug. 1st and I still needed to order some curriculum. That meant that Monday was going to be an errand day! I also needed to get the three older kiddos signed up for swim lessons before they filled up. Up everyone gets, all got dressed, all got breakfasted cept me! and off we went. First stop the life center in Marshall for the signing up of the swim lessons. Not for Keegan this year, even though he is old enough, he decided at some point of our beach vacation that he was scared of water! So, we thought he should wait another year and give us some time to work with him on feeling ok in the pool again. I don't think it should be too hard bc he has always LOVED water and I already got him to enjoy himself at the Pinetree pool the other day but I don't want to push it by putting him in lessons where I won't be in the water with him either. I told the babies they had to go sit right there in the lobby and be QUIET while I filled out the paperwork. They really did a good job of sitting cept Kayson. :) He decided it would be a good time to do his little run in place/dance type thing. He got a few laughs and a LOT of looks! :) Then we were on our way to meet Glenn for lunch at subway in Longview, which I drove right past by the way and had to turn around even though Kirsten said she clearly heard the little black box named Mildred that we were arriving there! Where was my head? Oh, right, I forgot breakfast! By this time I had a headache starting but knew I had a full afternoon ahead of me and my gas light had come on. Oh, how I HATE to pump gas!!!! My date to end goes --- at 30 miles left, so I always wait till then and locate the nearest gas station. Subway was pretty uneventful, aside from the fact that Glenn wasn't feeling well and informed me that he would be going home early :( and I forgot to get avocado on my sandwich in the hecticness of ordering for everybody. Yes, I like their avocado but it is all smushed up like a spread, I get tuna so maybe that's why I like it on my sandwich, it might be weird to get on a turkey sandwich bc its all mushy but tuna is kinda mushy anyways so you don't really notice it. Yea, that whole sentence sounded real smart! :) Ok, moving right along to Mardel's. I needed to stop in there to look at some of their curriculum and nail down what I wanted to get and also see if I could find a good book to use for Kirsten's health for next year. I told the babies they could go to the kid's section as long as they were quiet and no fighting and if anyone had to get onto them they would find themselves right beside me! They had changed some things around and I couldn't find what I needed to look at right away. I finally found the BJU aisle. I LOVE BJU!! I had Kirsten look at their grammar and she liked how colorful it was, then I had the olders look at their math and they both said they like A.C.E. paces better. Those decisions out of the way I began my hunt for the perfect health book for a seventh grade girl. (All this takes a lot of time, especially when I have to make frequent trips over to the kid's area to make sure mine are behaving themselves!) So, I began my search in the youth interests area and it all seemed a little mature for her, even though some of it is for middle school. Meanwhile, I am starting to hear thunder. Have I mentioned how I hate storms? So, I thought I remembered their being some devotional type books over in the kid's section and I head over there. About that time, Kayson decides he needs my attention, Oh, why did I forget all this was happening at nap time? Thank you, God, there are board books on a low shelf right where I need to look. So, we both sit, him with a board book and me with a book I see on a low shelf that is supposed to be for girls ages 10-12. Oh, this book looks promising, I think as I start to flip through it. I flip to this page that has a drawn picture titled "A Man's sexual organs"! OH MY, WHAT DID I JUST SEE?? look down, OH, IT'S STILL THERE! I'm not imagining this!! Flip back to the front cover, yes, I read that right, girl book for 10-12 yr olds. Taking a closer look at what is in this book now, I mean maybe it's not so bad, it's not real, looks kinda cartoonish or similar to what you might see in an anatomy book where you're seeing the insides, right?? Nope, my mind keeps screaming, NNOOOO!!!! A few pages later I come across this paragraph, "At times, a husband and wife will want to express their love for each other in a special way called sexual intercourse. At those times, they will go off by themselves. They will hug and kiss each other and touch each other all over. The husband's penis will become firm and hard, able to fit inside his wife's vagina. This is to be a private act between husband and wife." At this point I am in SHOCK and I just have to sit there for a minute. I mean I didn't need to read that, what makes me think my twelve year old should?? If I hadn't already been sitting, I might've fell over! I quickly put that book right back on that shelf! I didn't think about it then but I probably should've let Mardel know they had something like that where a little child could find it in case they didn't realize what was in it. I think I am still a little shocked that someone would think that's ok for a 10-12 year old, I do not want my daughter knowing that much detail till, well, how about till she's married? Isn't there some things better left to the imagination? Sure tell them the basics but this seems so detailed. Just in case I was the only one who would think this I texted Glenn and asked him what he thought and he agreed, leave that book right there on that shelf bc his daughter isn't ready for those specific of details! Then I found the perfect book, in the Christian Girls series. Then I was ready to go, of course the babies were a little worried about the storm. I had the babies wait at the big front window while I ran out to get the van and came to pick them up so they didn't get soaked. Then we were on our way to Knowledge Nook to order the rest of the curriculum in the straight down lightening, pouring rain and thunder that occassionally shook the van! oh my! I wasn't stopping for gas in that! Made it there and went to get Kayson out of the van (he had fallen asleep on the way)and the rain started blowing straight in the van directly on him and scared him awake! :( He started shaking and was clinging to me! poor baby! He was fine, though, was we made it inside. Also, I have learned that Crocs are not good rain shoes! It seems like they should be bc they won't ruin but they get VERY slippery, which isn't so great for carrying babies and they are so squeaky once you are inside! I knew then we would wait out the storm there and it got pretty intense, we actually saw some damage on the way home! I love this store, ummm.... I mean my babies love this store! They get to play with the toys and they have such neat toys there! I always spend too much when I go in there! :) I found Kirsten some cool books for art next year and some Kumon books for the littles, I love Kumon books. I ordered some BJU and Apologia also. Now we were headed home, with a stop in Hallsville for gas! I was just driving from the gas station when I was attacked by a light saber! Did you know they are long enough to reach from the passenger side middle van seat up to the driver? Well they are! This didn't seem like a very safe practice so I promptly told Keegan that attacking mama with a light saber while she is driving was not a very safe thing to do! :) BOYS! Then we arrived home, had an easy dinner of spaghettios and meatballs and then it was bedtime, whew! The littles (not Kayson, he was asleep!) ended the night (before they crawled into their own beds and actually fell asleep like they were supposed to!) sitting on their floor in front of a color changing Cars night light oohing and aahing with every color change as if it was fireworks or something! lol! It was a very eventful day, I think we'll stay home the rest of the week! :) All in all we got a lot done and had a good day with many memories. I ended the night by making school packets for the rest of the week.

commercials

I reallly, very much, gravely dislike commercials - they can be so full of slander and condescending and competitive and just outright inappropriate! Even children's shows will have scary or sensual commercials to the point I just cringe when my children watch. We have almost nearly banned any public TV from the childrens. I remember a time when commercials were annoying but innocent. I can still sing some of the catchy phrases! lol. I do not think any company or person should ever be able to publicly proclaim horrible things about their competitors. Tell us wonderful things about you or your product but do so without putting down your competition! and we wonder why school kiddos think bullying is ok!! What parent in their right mind would allow their child (of any age) to model underwear?!? so sad. ok, I think that's all of that for now. I just think it is so sad what is so readily accepted, what we mindlessly ignore (and we are ALL guilty of it from time to time). It's amazing just how influential media (tv, internet, music, etc) is in our lives and how we don't even realize it. You know it's not like a person that invests time into yo, we can see that, we are aware of it, we'll say yea, we think this or believe that bc of so and so but media just word of sneaks in and one day you wake up with a different mindset and you don't even realize it. We just need to be careful for our children, these precious ones on loan from God. ok, really that's it, I am falling asleep at the computer so it must be time for bed.

In the Depths

In the darkest times
my soul cries out to You
When I can't
my soul sings Your praises
You are there
when I cry
You lift me up
when broken
You hear my pleas
You attend my wounds
and wipe my tears
I know You're here
I feel Your presence
even in the dark
Your light shines in my heart
my thoughts/ my feelings
may be angry
may be confused
try to turn bitter
but Your pull is there
Your hand
Your urging
deep
down
in
my
soul
YOUR TRUTH
still stands
YOUR WORD
still prevails
YOU, FATHER
YOU, JESUS
YOU, SWEET SPIRIT
are always there
You lift me
I soar
even when
I don't see
I don't feel
but I know
You carry
when I can't go on
You give me strength
I know
somehow
I know
deep
down
in
my
soul
I know
I am Yours

Hollie Derr

2012 4th annual Sam's Trip: INVENTORY!

Once again it is time to think of our annual Sam's trip and I had a request from a FB friend to post our buying plans for this year. Glenn brought home last year's list and a new printed list for me to do the inventory. So I sat down at the kitchen table, pen in hand to decide what we need to get us through the year. I must say this is initially a lot of work but it is so nice throughout the year to not worry about running out of things or where the money would come from to buy them. We are grateful for God's provision. We will be buying 4 big pkgs of toilet paper (36 rolls each), last year we bought 6 and had two left but the year before we bought 4 and ran out and this year I must work with Keegan on potty training!! All my FB friends are training their 2s and he is 3! oops! We will buy 3 pkgs of lightbulbs. I still have deoderant left but Glenn needs more. We need another thing of q-tips, we didn't buy any last year so it looks like this will be a once every other year purchase. We bought a bunch of batteries last year (AAA, AA, C, D and 9volt), this year we only need to buy AA but we will be buying 2 pkgs (about 35 batteries in each), we use alot of those!! We don't need to buy shaving gel this year but I want to see if they sell shaving cream, the cheap kind that I can spray on the table and let the littles practice writing their letters and numbers in. We don't need bandaids this year or foil, still have plenty left. We buy the ranch powder mix and I mix our own dressing with sour cream and milk. I like this better than buying the thick already mixed dressing, this way I can make it as ranchy or as thin as I want and it works out to be a but cheaper since Cayden won't hardly eat a meal without it! Seriously, this kid eats ranch on EVERYTHING!! Last year we didn't buy any mouth wash so this year we need more, I should also look for some for the kiddos, too. We still have an unopened box of swiffer pads. We need another pkg of Motrin and of Tylenol, too, they have 2 bottles in each pkg. We try not to use a whole lot of meds but I do like to have these on hand for fevers or bumps and bruises. We need more for adults, too. We need to buy another pkg of kid shampoo (4 bottles in each), we still have a whole pkg left but last year we bought 3. That means we went through 8 bottles in a year but we use it for body wash too. Oh, yea, and their was that one bottle that got taken outside and used up on the slides with a hose!! They had fun that afternoon!! We need another pkg of rubber gloves but we didnt buy those last year either. We also stock up on canned goods that we use alot of. Four pkgs greenbeans (about 15 cans ea), 2 boxes vienna sausages (these may not last the whole year), 4 pkg Spam (yes, I like Spam! and so do the babies! :) these also may not last the whole year), 2 boxes mushroom soup and 2 boxes of corn. We still have plenty of syrup. We will buy 2 pkgs of 30 gal trash bags (about 70 in ea box). Since I now have an HE washer that doesn't use as much detergent I think I have enough to get through the year without buying more. We need another box of the dishwasher gel pacs, we love the convenience of not having to measure and its easy for the older kids to start the dishwasher too. There's about 100 in each box. We still have some from last year too. We have plenty of windex and fabric softener. We didn't buy neosporin last year so we need to get some more this year. We have plenty of Carmex, actually I just used up the little jar in my purse and need to go to our meds cabinet and get another one for my purse. I remember my mama always had a little jar of Carmex in her purse when I was growing up, just look for the yellow lid! :) We need 2 grape jellies, one pkg spray oil, 1 pkg NyQuil, 1 strawberry jelly, 5 contact solutions (if they carry the kind Glenn likes still), 2 boxes of gallon Ziploc baggies (I use these to put the kids outfits and pjs in so its easy for them to get their own clothes), 1 pkg sandwich baggies and 1 box pads. We still have enough Kleenex and we didn't buy any last year. 2 pkg body wash, 30lbs sugar (I need to see if Sam's carries a more natural alternative that isn't too crazy expensive), 8 boxes of baby wipes (they have 9 pks in ea box and ea pkg is resealable so they are easy to travel with). We use baby wipes for everything! We still have plenty of magic erasers, they have lasted us 2 years already. 1 pkg pancake mix, no more Jet dry, 1 pkg Lysol (3 or 4 cans), 1 pkg of swiffer refills (3 in ea, I think), 5 pkg Clorox wipes (4 bottles in ea). We clean everything with these! They are so easy for the olders to use! We only bought 3 pkg last year ran out, had to buy another one and ran out again! So this year we will buy 5! We will get 2 pkg of paper towels (12 rolls ea). 1 big bottle of olive oil (this is the only time I can afford olive!). 1 pkg toothpaste, I think that's 3 tubes. We will also look for kiddie toothpaste but last year they didn't have it. 5 boxes instant breakfast, 4 lg cans chocolate milk pwd, still have salt and cinnamon from last yrs trip, 4 bottles flintstones vitamens (I take them too), socks and things if Sam's has them this year, 4 gatorade pwd jars, 4 country time lemonade pwd jars, 1 jar parmesean cheese. No Taco seasoning this year! We still have last year's that was too spicy for me! Anyone want some French's pwd taco seasoning packets? We will get 4 boxes of sz 4 diapers and the two youngest will share them but hopefully before too long Keegan won't need them anymore. Last year we bought chicken and beef buillon cubes and still have plenty, I don't use these all that much but I like to have them on hand. We don't need anymore envelopes this year either or liquid dish soap. We will get another pkg of refills for our toilet wand. I love this thing! The boys actually LIKE cleaning the toilet with it!! We will also buy 5 bags of "popcorn", umm...., I mean french fried onions!! :) Keegan calls them "popcorn" and likes to eat them straight from the bag! lol. 2 pkg of mac and cheese (ea has about 15 boxes in it). We will buy 2 groups of Ketchup (I think that amounts to 4 big bottles?). We will see if they have decided to stock these things bt now and last year: liquid vicks, vicks vapor rub, saran wrap, wax paper and desitin, printer ink but we still have plenty of paper. I am sure they probably have a few of these but we didn't look for them last year and a few of these we did look for but they didn't have. Then I may try to talk Glenn into getting several gallons of water but we go through 4-6 gallons a week so I doubt we could buy enough to last us the whole year! :) That pretty much concludes our shopping list for this year. Wonder if we need to try to drive two vehicles in this year? Also wonder if my wonderful parents would watch our babies again this year for us? It is alot of work but so nice not to have to worry about these things the rest of the year!

Lord, help!

how do you leave
how do you make a clean break
how do you forget your past
how do you just get over it
its right there
all the time
they are there
calls
visits
chance sightings
your anger
your hurt
it stays
it all comes back
the words
their words
harsh
hate
judgement
did I say hate?
directed at you
so broken
so torn
so confused
I don't want to see you
I don't want to talk to you
actually
I take it back
I want to yell at you
lash out at you
make you hear reason
make you hear truth
it doesn't happen
it won't
so what do I do?
what happens to me now
what about these feelings
Oh, Lord,
Oh, Lord,
do you understand
do you hate me too
I don't know why anyone would love me?
I feel so worthless
I want
I
want
to believe
to hope
to dream again
to know
to know that you are there
that you still fight for me
that you do have a plan
that it will all be ok,
eventually
but
I'm so scared
so very
very
scared
Lord, help!

by Hollie Derr
1/3/12