I wanted you to love me
I wanted you to accept
I tried so hard
all the years
I really tried so hard
I looked away
I forgave
I let you
I didn't say
Angry, sad, hurt, betrayed, humiliated
you have hurt this family
you have destroyed ties
You do not love
I feel sorry for you
what led you to this?
what has you so bound?
how can you so easily be so very horribly deceived?
I do not understand
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Sunday, November 26, 2017
kindness
Thinking about being kind, intentionally kind. Sometimes, even when I don't feel like being out among people, its good to smile at others. Kindness can go a long ways, not always big things either. Smiles, kind words, stopping to let people say hi to the babies, holding a door open, reminding my kids not to touch display glass bc someone has to clean it after them. I also try to make my babies aware of those we don't always see, those many of us don't want to or even choose not to see. Im so grateful for the people that make certain times possible, the cashiers, the waiters and those that clean up my baby's messes after a sunday lunch. Its nice to have days I don't have to worry about it but I realize that means someone else does. So see people, really try to look at them sometimes, smile, speak kindly.
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Dry places
Ezekiel 37:1-13 The story of the dry bones
Have you ever found yourself in dry places?
How did you get out?
Probably the driest place I've found myself in was right after we left the cult we were both raised in. I sure felt like these dried up, dead, useless bones. So broken, so ran over, I didn't know who to trust or where to turn. We lost friends and family and our "church". We lost how we defined ourselves and our family. I lost faith in people, in good, somewhat even in God. Even these words feel useless to define the despair felt during this time.
To the getting out..........I asked others to pray even when I couldn't. I believe my spirit was, my heart was but my mind could not, the words were not there. I didn't even know what should be prayed or what I wanted to pray. I still wanted God to be so present in our lives, I kept Bible in our homeschool, I read to the kids, even when it raised more questions for me, even when I almost didn't believe it anymore. I still said Jesus loves you, my heart didn't feel it but I held to it, I had to. I had to believe that God still cared, I had to believe that He had a purpose for what we were going through, I had to believe that ultimately He was still there! It was NOT easy, specially without a strong body of believers to come along side us and help lift us. But somehow He was there, somehow we did get through those days, somehow my babies still have strong faiths. somehow = God how! Then we found our church, our home, our family and they have come beside us and loved us and lifted us and prayed and cried with and for us. They have helped God continue piecing us back together. I can look around us again and see His grace! I feel alive again and happy! I feel happy! We are blessed. We still have healing to do but now I have hope. Now I can see light!
Have you ever found yourself in dry places?
How did you get out?
Probably the driest place I've found myself in was right after we left the cult we were both raised in. I sure felt like these dried up, dead, useless bones. So broken, so ran over, I didn't know who to trust or where to turn. We lost friends and family and our "church". We lost how we defined ourselves and our family. I lost faith in people, in good, somewhat even in God. Even these words feel useless to define the despair felt during this time.
To the getting out..........I asked others to pray even when I couldn't. I believe my spirit was, my heart was but my mind could not, the words were not there. I didn't even know what should be prayed or what I wanted to pray. I still wanted God to be so present in our lives, I kept Bible in our homeschool, I read to the kids, even when it raised more questions for me, even when I almost didn't believe it anymore. I still said Jesus loves you, my heart didn't feel it but I held to it, I had to. I had to believe that God still cared, I had to believe that He had a purpose for what we were going through, I had to believe that ultimately He was still there! It was NOT easy, specially without a strong body of believers to come along side us and help lift us. But somehow He was there, somehow we did get through those days, somehow my babies still have strong faiths. somehow = God how! Then we found our church, our home, our family and they have come beside us and loved us and lifted us and prayed and cried with and for us. They have helped God continue piecing us back together. I can look around us again and see His grace! I feel alive again and happy! I feel happy! We are blessed. We still have healing to do but now I have hope. Now I can see light!
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