In the Depths

In the darkest times
my soul cries out to You
When I can't
my soul sings Your praises
You are there
when I cry
You lift me up
when broken
You hear my pleas
You attend my wounds
and wipe my tears
I know You're here
I feel Your presence
even in the dark
Your light shines in my heart
my thoughts/ my feelings
may be angry
may be confused
try to turn bitter
but Your pull is there
Your hand
Your urging
deep
down
in
my
soul
YOUR TRUTH
still stands
YOUR WORD
still prevails
YOU, FATHER
YOU, JESUS
YOU, SWEET SPIRIT
are always there
You lift me
I soar
even when
I don't see
I don't feel
but I know
You carry
when I can't go on
You give me strength
I know
somehow
I know
deep
down
in
my
soul
I know
I am Yours

Hollie Derr

2012 4th annual Sam's Trip: INVENTORY!

Once again it is time to think of our annual Sam's trip and I had a request from a FB friend to post our buying plans for this year. Glenn brought home last year's list and a new printed list for me to do the inventory. So I sat down at the kitchen table, pen in hand to decide what we need to get us through the year. I must say this is initially a lot of work but it is so nice throughout the year to not worry about running out of things or where the money would come from to buy them. We are grateful for God's provision. We will be buying 4 big pkgs of toilet paper (36 rolls each), last year we bought 6 and had two left but the year before we bought 4 and ran out and this year I must work with Keegan on potty training!! All my FB friends are training their 2s and he is 3! oops! We will buy 3 pkgs of lightbulbs. I still have deoderant left but Glenn needs more. We need another thing of q-tips, we didn't buy any last year so it looks like this will be a once every other year purchase. We bought a bunch of batteries last year (AAA, AA, C, D and 9volt), this year we only need to buy AA but we will be buying 2 pkgs (about 35 batteries in each), we use alot of those!! We don't need to buy shaving gel this year but I want to see if they sell shaving cream, the cheap kind that I can spray on the table and let the littles practice writing their letters and numbers in. We don't need bandaids this year or foil, still have plenty left. We buy the ranch powder mix and I mix our own dressing with sour cream and milk. I like this better than buying the thick already mixed dressing, this way I can make it as ranchy or as thin as I want and it works out to be a but cheaper since Cayden won't hardly eat a meal without it! Seriously, this kid eats ranch on EVERYTHING!! Last year we didn't buy any mouth wash so this year we need more, I should also look for some for the kiddos, too. We still have an unopened box of swiffer pads. We need another pkg of Motrin and of Tylenol, too, they have 2 bottles in each pkg. We try not to use a whole lot of meds but I do like to have these on hand for fevers or bumps and bruises. We need more for adults, too. We need to buy another pkg of kid shampoo (4 bottles in each), we still have a whole pkg left but last year we bought 3. That means we went through 8 bottles in a year but we use it for body wash too. Oh, yea, and their was that one bottle that got taken outside and used up on the slides with a hose!! They had fun that afternoon!! We need another pkg of rubber gloves but we didnt buy those last year either. We also stock up on canned goods that we use alot of. Four pkgs greenbeans (about 15 cans ea), 2 boxes vienna sausages (these may not last the whole year), 4 pkg Spam (yes, I like Spam! and so do the babies! :) these also may not last the whole year), 2 boxes mushroom soup and 2 boxes of corn. We still have plenty of syrup. We will buy 2 pkgs of 30 gal trash bags (about 70 in ea box). Since I now have an HE washer that doesn't use as much detergent I think I have enough to get through the year without buying more. We need another box of the dishwasher gel pacs, we love the convenience of not having to measure and its easy for the older kids to start the dishwasher too. There's about 100 in each box. We still have some from last year too. We have plenty of windex and fabric softener. We didn't buy neosporin last year so we need to get some more this year. We have plenty of Carmex, actually I just used up the little jar in my purse and need to go to our meds cabinet and get another one for my purse. I remember my mama always had a little jar of Carmex in her purse when I was growing up, just look for the yellow lid! :) We need 2 grape jellies, one pkg spray oil, 1 pkg NyQuil, 1 strawberry jelly, 5 contact solutions (if they carry the kind Glenn likes still), 2 boxes of gallon Ziploc baggies (I use these to put the kids outfits and pjs in so its easy for them to get their own clothes), 1 pkg sandwich baggies and 1 box pads. We still have enough Kleenex and we didn't buy any last year. 2 pkg body wash, 30lbs sugar (I need to see if Sam's carries a more natural alternative that isn't too crazy expensive), 8 boxes of baby wipes (they have 9 pks in ea box and ea pkg is resealable so they are easy to travel with). We use baby wipes for everything! We still have plenty of magic erasers, they have lasted us 2 years already. 1 pkg pancake mix, no more Jet dry, 1 pkg Lysol (3 or 4 cans), 1 pkg of swiffer refills (3 in ea, I think), 5 pkg Clorox wipes (4 bottles in ea). We clean everything with these! They are so easy for the olders to use! We only bought 3 pkg last year ran out, had to buy another one and ran out again! So this year we will buy 5! We will get 2 pkg of paper towels (12 rolls ea). 1 big bottle of olive oil (this is the only time I can afford olive!). 1 pkg toothpaste, I think that's 3 tubes. We will also look for kiddie toothpaste but last year they didn't have it. 5 boxes instant breakfast, 4 lg cans chocolate milk pwd, still have salt and cinnamon from last yrs trip, 4 bottles flintstones vitamens (I take them too), socks and things if Sam's has them this year, 4 gatorade pwd jars, 4 country time lemonade pwd jars, 1 jar parmesean cheese. No Taco seasoning this year! We still have last year's that was too spicy for me! Anyone want some French's pwd taco seasoning packets? We will get 4 boxes of sz 4 diapers and the two youngest will share them but hopefully before too long Keegan won't need them anymore. Last year we bought chicken and beef buillon cubes and still have plenty, I don't use these all that much but I like to have them on hand. We don't need anymore envelopes this year either or liquid dish soap. We will get another pkg of refills for our toilet wand. I love this thing! The boys actually LIKE cleaning the toilet with it!! We will also buy 5 bags of "popcorn", umm...., I mean french fried onions!! :) Keegan calls them "popcorn" and likes to eat them straight from the bag! lol. 2 pkg of mac and cheese (ea has about 15 boxes in it). We will buy 2 groups of Ketchup (I think that amounts to 4 big bottles?). We will see if they have decided to stock these things bt now and last year: liquid vicks, vicks vapor rub, saran wrap, wax paper and desitin, printer ink but we still have plenty of paper. I am sure they probably have a few of these but we didn't look for them last year and a few of these we did look for but they didn't have. Then I may try to talk Glenn into getting several gallons of water but we go through 4-6 gallons a week so I doubt we could buy enough to last us the whole year! :) That pretty much concludes our shopping list for this year. Wonder if we need to try to drive two vehicles in this year? Also wonder if my wonderful parents would watch our babies again this year for us? It is alot of work but so nice not to have to worry about these things the rest of the year!

Lord, help!

how do you leave
how do you make a clean break
how do you forget your past
how do you just get over it
its right there
all the time
they are there
calls
visits
chance sightings
your anger
your hurt
it stays
it all comes back
the words
their words
harsh
hate
judgement
did I say hate?
directed at you
so broken
so torn
so confused
I don't want to see you
I don't want to talk to you
actually
I take it back
I want to yell at you
lash out at you
make you hear reason
make you hear truth
it doesn't happen
it won't
so what do I do?
what happens to me now
what about these feelings
Oh, Lord,
Oh, Lord,
do you understand
do you hate me too
I don't know why anyone would love me?
I feel so worthless
I want
I
want
to believe
to hope
to dream again
to know
to know that you are there
that you still fight for me
that you do have a plan
that it will all be ok,
eventually
but
I'm so scared
so very
very
scared
Lord, help!

by Hollie Derr
1/3/12